Depression Sucks

Life is hard. Life without Jesus is even harder. 
I’m a believer, for sure, 100%! Jesus is my Lord. But I don’t always live that way. Sin easily creeps in. Lies begin to penetrate the Armor He has given me. 
How is it that someone can go from such a strong foundation in the Truth to crumbling under the weight of life? How is it that someone can be so sure of God’s calling to wanting to throw in the towel? How do we get so lost from the path that God is leading us on? What is it that causes us to detour? 
How is it that I have ended up in a pit of dark depression when I have walked in His great peace, His beautiful truth, and unfailing love? How did I become so focused on everything except Him? Why am I back in this wretched place; I thought we conquered this once and for all, God.
I may never know the answers to these questions. At least, perhaps, not this side of eternity. 
This is the beginning of a post that I started back in May. God knew where I would be today, writing about that very abyss I had been avoiding over the last year or more…
Several times this year I have been taken to the edge. The very edge of what looks like a black abyss. A place where there is no hope, no peace, no joy. Not death. At least not physical death. Perhaps crossing over the edge could have led to a slow spiritual death. I will never know, because my God is a good God. He is faithful to answer prayers and bring us to place of hope and healing. As a friend reminded me, “Joy comes in the morning. It may not be the next morning. But it may be the morning of whatever season you’ve just come from.”
God is good. (All the time. He never changes). And He is good at being God. It is I who has changed. So where have I gone wrong? 
This is a question only Holy Spirit can answer, and I’m not going to find the answer in my Pastor, or my friends, or my husband. No. This answer needs to come from the Author and Perfecter of my faith, the Finisher of my Salvation, my Rock. My God.
Have you ever come to a place like this?
Remember the Truth. As hard as it may be to stand at all today. Remember you are can stand with His strength, on His truth, and on solid ground.
For God, who said, “Light shall shine out of the darkness,” is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken’ struck down, but not destroyed…
(2 Corinthians 4:6-9)
Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light.
(Matthew 11:28-30)
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
(1 Peter 5:6-7)
For me, I know the His Truth. But I haven’t been living in that Truth. And life circumstances made a storm great enough that I found that black abyss. But God is good, and He is bigger than any storm I will face.

Armor of God Study: Part 3

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
Have you ever come to a place in your life where you suddenly realized that what you have been doing has been playing right into the Devil’s schemes? I have a dear friend who struggles with bulimia for 30 years. She has confided to me that moment of deliverance. One day as she was getting ready to purge, all she saw in that toilet bowl was Satan laughing. It was then she realized that all this time she was right where the enemy wanted her: trapped, alone, desperate, and physically dying a slow, painful death. Praise God Almighty! In that moment her Savior showed up and worked a miracle in her life.
As I was examining a very precious relationship recently, the Lord revealed to me the grip that Satan had on this other person. With the amount of worldly influences this person was involved in, all I could see was Satan laughing maniacally as this one I love was sinking deeper and deeper into a pit. It’s heartbreaking when you see the godly potential in someone’s life and they are refusing it. The tangles mess of lies that someone can be so caught up in is devastating. Not only to themselves, but also to those around us. This is why it is so important to lean on God’s truth.
I have been to that place in my life, where Satan’s lies were drowning out God’s truths. The deceit and darkness can have an iron grip on someone’s heart. The grasp that Satan had on my life was to tight the only escape I saw was death. Satan wanted me dead. The word pale”, the word we translate into struggle is more accurate translated into wrestle, at least for the way my brain works. To literally pin your opponent to the ground by the back of the neck. This paints a very vivid picture of what Satan is trying to do to us.
It’s interesting to think that Satan had probably seen the godly potential in me before I ever did.  He was working tirelessly, and still is to derail, destroy and distract. We know that Satan isn’t omnipotent, he isn’t all knowing as God is. But I think we forget sometimes that he knows God’s power, he knows he looses in the end; that is why he is working so hard to take as many with him as possible. Satan understands the might of God talked about in verse 10. He is afraid of what someone can do with God when their heart is fully submitted to him. On January 3, 2007 I had no hope, and I certainly had no idea that almost 11 years later I would be teaching a Bible study. God knew. Satan saw God’s potential in me. 
It is so important for us to acknowledge where we have been and where we are. Our battles continue all around us. Sometimes they are big battles, and sometimes they are much smaller ones, but a battle all the same. God is writing our story and no matter what we face, He gets the glory. The fact that we are all sitting here is testament enough of His strength. It’s imperative we share our war stories so that we can learn from them, and so that we can teach others to not make the same mistakes. 
And I know that if you are holding onto that darkness you once lived in, keeping it safe, keeping it hidden, then Satan will continue using it as a foothold to keep you in bondage. We must expose evil to the Light. For the sake of community, healing, relationship, freedom and support spit it out ladies. 
Let’s shed some Light on those dark places. My daughter and I often pray that our hearts and lives would be so full of God’s light, there would be no room for darkness. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
As I pondered this morning where I was 11 years ago spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally these words spilled out:
“I posted about this some time ago but find it important to mention again.11 years ago, January 3, 2007 was a dark night for my family and friends. It was a Wednesday night. I was depressed, overwhelmed, I felt so alone. I was so entrenched by lies. The weight of my sin and burdens was so heavy that there was only one solution available. Death.

With my own hands I tried to take the life that God gave me. Everything in me wanted the sweet victory and taste of death. Oh that enemy of our souls would not deceive your heart as he did mine.

So much around this event is a mystery, but there are truths abounding too.

TRUTH: God is with me. He always was, always is and always will be-I WAS NEVER ALONE.

TRUTH: God is my JOY. And joy is a choice. I can choose to wallow in the filth ones of this world and my life, or I can choose to look to the Lord, my God and put a smile on my face. I AM NOT DEFINED BY DEPRESSION. CHRIST HAS SET ME FREE.

TRUTH: Nothing I have done, or ever will do can change God’s love for me.

TRUTH: I am loved with an everlasting love.

TRUTH: I am alive today as proof that God is real, alive and ever present.

Oh, that the God of all would speak HIS OBJECTIVE TRUTH into your heart today.

I should have died that night. What I did to my body should have killed me. But God saw something in me worth saving; I see it now too.

I am tagging those who I remember that night and the following week in hopes to remind you how great our God is and the beautiful things He has done in my life and yours.

Tonight I get to celebrate God’s victory in my life with fellow followers of Christ. Tonight I get to join hundreds at God’s altar and sing His praise. Today I get to proclaim that God is my exceeding JOY.”

Psalm 43-4