SICK: My heart and mind

     Have you ever had one of those days where you wanted to throw in the towel? Those, ‘I give up’ or ‘What else could go wrong’ or my personal least favorite of all, ‘God, could you just take me now. What good I am down here?’
     I’m sure you’ve had them. I certainly have had more than I can count. And to be quite honest, more than I care to remember. And even more honestly, more than those elusive good days.
     Welcome to my life…
     I’ve been living with depression for longer than I haven’t. A life filled with depression, and oppressive, negative thoughts, anxiety, and self shaming thoughts can be so exhausting. If you haven’t experienced this first hand then I’ll liken it to this: have you ever been around someone, for any length of time, that is constantly complaining or being negative? Complaining about their husband (or for you gentlemen reading, their wife), the weather, how their kid did this, or the dog did that, and ‘I can’t believe what so-and-so said’, and that horrible noise the fridge makes when it turns on. You might be laughing, but you know the people I’m talking about. Well, that’s what it’s like in my head, and all the complaining and negativity is focused on self.
     I heard a Focus on the Family podcast some time back, where a woman mentioned this type of thinking is a form of broken narcism. Definitely a post for another time, but I do remember thinking, “Ouch!” as I  cringed at the conviction and nodded my head in full agreement.
     So when I say it’s exhausting, I mean It. Is. Exhausting.
     But there’s hope!
     There is a Hope so strong that the very gates of Hell tremble when The Name is mentioned. A hope that can only be found in our Righteous Redeemer.
“How blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, Whose hope is in the LORD his God,” Psalms‬ ‭146:5 NASB
     Do you suffer from the same thinkings that I do? Do you feel beat down, weary, discouraged, broken? Do you have a Bible app? Do a search of the word hope in your Bible app, and feel yourself being refreshed and renewed. Rising on wings like eagles.
     God’s desire is not for you to be stuck in this vicious, nasty, sinful cycle of negative thoughts. God’s desire is that you would see yourself the way He sees you. A beloved child of God, an heir to the throne, one who is holy, chosen, and called for a purpose. Do not put off God’s desires for your life.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭13:12‬ ‭NASB‬‬
     I can’t tell you how many times I have made my own heart sick; how many times I have grieved my Heavenly Father simply because of what I thought about myself.
     This post started because of the yuckiness I felt inside. I thought surely someone could sympathize with my distress. Little did I know that the Almighty God would teach me and allow me to share this lesson with you.
     Don’t you see? By allowing ourselves to think critically, and negatively about this beautiful body, mind and spirit that God graciously gave, we are deferring His desire, and His hope for sin. His hope is deferred for sin. I am deferring the Creator’s hope and desires for sin.
     Oh God, change my thought pattern. Change the thoughts of the dearly loved child who is reading this. May Your hope and desires be on our minds. Lord, should someone need an encouraging word, I pray You would meet them where they are. You are faithful and righteous to redeem. Redeem our minds. Renew our minds. In Your Holy Name I pray. May it be!


One thought on “SICK: My heart and mind

  1. I love this ❤ I have an advocate in my mind and heart that speaks against the negative thoughts and feelings. I allow myself to see the beautiful spirit that I am. This was a good read sister 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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