Introducing…Sheri Hollinger!

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I am so excited to announce that my dear friend Sheri will be teaming up with The Healthy Follower! Sheri and I have been led by the Lord to begin a ministry for women of faith. We have decided that The Healthy Follower will be the platform from which we will eventually launch our program The Holy 40. Stay tuned for a bonus blog post on the program!

You can also keep your eyes out for Sheri’s testimony post. If you don’t want to miss a thing, join our email list to receive our blog posts right to your inbox. We would love for you to join us on our journey as we reach out to women following after Christ.

There is so much happening in our lives right now as we begin the process of forming this ministry. We can’t contain our joy as we see how God is working and moving.

I am beyond honored to be walking this journey so closely with such a wonderful, supportive woman. Welcome Sheri! I can’t wait to get started on all of God’s plans.

Hollinger

A Letter to the Church

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Dear Church,

You claim to be a follower of Christ, you claim to be born again. You praise God on Sunday mornings and by the afternoon you partake in debauchery, idolatry, drunkenness, filthy talking, crude joking. Don’t you see, like a wildfire’s smoke choking out life you are choking out the Holy Spirit?

You say you have faith, but where are your works? You cannot have faith without works. Are we such a consumer nation that we are treating God like a vending machine? We deposit an hour or two of our time each week to feel good, and forget that a healthy lifestyle is indicative of a healthy heart?

Stand up Church! Stand up in worship of your Creator. Stand up with courage and wisdom. Do not sit in the cupboard like a stale cracker any longer. Stand up and LOVE! Stand up and serve. Stand up for UNITY! Do not remain sitting on the sidelines, for you have nothing to fear, as Christ has already won the war. He defeated death – the fear and pain are gone – because He lives!

This is a call to action. A petition to turn from your sin. I see those that claim to be Christ followers around me…it breaks my heart for the sin some are living in. Do not be complacent in your faith any longer. Submit your heart to God and move!

God created marriage to be an example of His unconditional love for us, and what a relationship with Him can look like. But what have we done in the Church? We have allowed sin to enter in, we have allowed Satan to trick our hearts, he has gotten a foothold and destroyed lives, stolen the gift of marriage, killed hearts. Do not be weighted down by your sin any longer! Repent! Turn to God who is the Master Physician. The Lord breaks our chains of sin, He is greater than the Master of Lies! Do not be deceived any more! Turn from your wicked ways.

The Lord’s kindness leads us to repentance. Allow His grace and mercy and correction to lead you to a place of submission and ultimate forgiveness. Turn your back on your sin and turn your face to the One who has already defeated sin. Then your light shall break out like the dawn, and your healing will spring up speedily, your righteousness will go before you; the glory of God will be your rear guard.

Clothe yourself in His armor that you may be able to say you did everything to stand firm in the evil day. Look to the ways of Heaven, for the time on Earth is short; don’t waste any opportunity. Join in the heritage of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the heritage that Jesus Himself fulfilled. The heritage that is free to any who choose. And should we not be showing all how glorious that heritage is?

Jesus is calling. How are you going to respond dear brothers and sisters?

Confessions of a Christian Woman

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God is still writing my story in the pages of His book. Below you will find my testimony. I have been blessed to have walked a tough road, through many choices of my own. Blessed because now I get to impart truth, hope, life, and grace to those who would listen. In April I shared this testimony at our church’s yearly women’s retreat, and just a few weeks ago was able to share a snippet of this with the youth group at church. May the Lord bless and protect all who read this.

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When you examine your life and you really think about that one thing you want, that one thing you need, what would it be? Is it that job, or that house? Is it to have a marriage like them? Would it be to have kids that acted like her kids? Let me tell you that all of these have crossed my mind, and settled into my heart at one time or another. But really at the core of all these desires there is a lack of worth, a lack of true love. And as women, isn’t that what we want, what we need? In our deepest longings, in our heart of hearts we are screaming, begging for someone to tell us, “You matter to me. You are so worthy of all my love, and freely I give to you, unconditionally, all that I am. I love you!”

The apostle Paul nails it on the head in his letters to the Ephesians, Colossians, and the first letter to the Corinthians. He knows: women need love. We as women, as young girls are so impressionable, especially by the men in our lives. And before I go into my account of how God gave me worth, and told me that I was loved, I want to encourage you today to begin seeking your worth and meaning and true love in Christ alone.

In the book of John, Jesus says this, “For the thief has come to kill, and steal, and destroy” and how does he do this? With society. With the ideas that this is how you’re supposed to look, that you have to be super-mom, or super-wife all on your own, that you need to be happy, and that all the things will make you happy. But then Jesus says, “I have come that they,” they being those who have chosen Jesus to be their Savior, those who have said, ‘I am sorry Jesus for my sins. I know YOU died on the cross to save me. Please come into my life and change me!’, “may have life.” Note that Jesus doesn’t say happiness, but LIFE, “and have it to the full.” I truly believe that there should be an exclamation point after this statement (I think John got that wrong). Jesus gives a full life! And as you are about to read, I tried filling my life with all the things. In an attempt to find that fullness, to find that worth, to find that love I so desperately craved, and still do, I searched in all the wrong places. I might be showing my age a bit when I ask: Was it in the 80s that the slogan of “drug, sex and rock n roll” became a thing? Well…welcome to my life.

I should set the scene for you. I was raised in the church, a “Christian” household. I had accepted Jesus into my heart at a young age. My biological mother and my Dad ran the Children’s Ministry. So believe me when I say I never would have thought my family would be the victim of a divorce. Looking back now I remember having a happy family at church, and a tendency towards anger, dysfunction, and explosive behavior at home. Now that’s not to say we didn’t have fun and I don’t have fond memories, but I do know that the Lord shielded my eyes from many things.

I actually remember walking to the bus stop one morning when I was 8 or 9 and hearing all the neighbor kids talking about their step-moms, step-dads, or step-siblings, and the resentment you could hear in their voices was astounding. But I thought to myself, ‘How lucky I am that we are Christians, and Christians don’t get divorced.’

Not long after that our parents sat us down in the living room, only a small light was on, and we sat next to a dying fire. What an ironic picture for what was about to happen: “Mom is moving out.” At 10 years old, I had no idea what that meant, I had no idea what that was going to look like. I honestly thought that she was probably going to move a few houses away. My brother was 12, and my sister was 8. As you can imagine, for our Christian family, this was devastating. It was absolutely earth shaking, and over the next several years my foundation showed its weakness and cracks, and eventually crumbled away. Do you remember that kids song about the foolish man who built his house on the sand? Although I had gone to church for as long as I could remember, and I truly had Jesus in my heart, I had a foundation built on sand. I had not made a foundation of rock for myself. I had not owned my faith yet, my parents were still my foundation. But their foundations were broken too.

In the years to follow the ugliness, the brokenness, and the darkness in both of my parents came out full force, in different ways. Custody battles ensued, leaving a house divided even more, me with my Dad and my brother and sister with my biological Mom. Eventually I would choose to not visit her at all for various reasons but the main one being that there had been years of backlash from her and her second husband with me wanting to be involved in the church. I struggled with feeling abandoned: If the woman who carried me and gave birth to me couldn’t love and accept me for who I was, then who could?

The love and acceptance I so desperately needed could clearly not be found in my family, my family was a hot mess. My biological mother didn’t even want me. The feelings of abandonment and not being worthy of her love, the pain that enveloped me from this divorce would soon take me down a path I wouldn’t come back from for about 10 years. With every lie that Satan whispered in my mind, every one I began to believe, I was giving my heart to the enemy that had come to kill and steal and destroy. And while this story obviously ends with a wayward child returned to the loving arms of Christ, I still struggle with those destructive, negative thoughts.

Through Jr. High, in those few years right after the separation and divorce, I tested the waters of rebellion. I wore white eye-liner, like Brittney Spears, against my Dad’s wishes. I wore tight clothes, and shirts that showed my mid-drift. And to get away with these things I would often change at school, or put layers on so Dad wouldn’t see. I listened to Country music *gasp* but it was against my Dad’s wishes. And I was a serial dater. I was dipping my foot in the waters, testing it out, seeing what I could get away with. So you can see that in the core of me I was looking for acceptance, worth, and love, and I was beginning to seek it out in earthly things. But I still enjoyed going to church and doing all the church things. There was a spiritual war beginning in my life, and I didn’t even realize I was playing into exactly where Satan wanted me.

In the summer before my freshman year of High School, there was a revival within my heart, quite unexpected I might add, I suppose they usually are though. I went on a mission’s trip; I joined the worship team and eventually became a part of the student leadership team. I was finding acceptance and worth in my friends, and the things that I did for God. But there was still a big issue: I was finding love, and acceptance and worth in church and acts of service, not Christ. In a matter of 3 years I would leave high school as a completely different person then who entered in. Depression, self-mutilation, and Satan’s lies would entrench me by the time I graduated.

I began serious dating in high school, and subconsciously, in order to protect myself from the hurt of abandonment ever again, I would perpetually end relationships suddenly. Generally, it was because I had already started liking someone else. This would also carry into my “adult” life. And Satan would use these situations to pile shame and guilt in to my heart and mind; I knew it was wrong, but just couldn’t seem to stop it. Why? Because I hadn’t found my True Love yet.

Towards the end of my junior year I began believing that I was in such turmoil and pain because I was bi-sexual, and I was living under oppression from my Christian family, and I was being forced to live a lie. In a bold attempt to show my Mom (technically step-mom, but she holds the title of Mom) and Dad who I really was, and why I was in such turmoil I told them I was gay and had a girlfriend. I packed my room at lunch the next day and moved in with my biological mom. Because I just knew she would accept me as I was. I ended up living with her for about a week but during that time, I found myself at a college party with a friend, drinking heavily, really drinking for the first time aside from sneaking a bit here and there from my parents. And before I knew what was happening I was having sex in a bathroom with some guy I barely knew. Was it rape? No. However, in my naivety and drunken state, I really didn’t know what was happening until it was too late. I cannot even put in to words the shame and guilt I felt, how absolutely empty, bare and dirty I felt the next morning. And at this point I had no loyalty to God, but Satan was using this act of sexual immorality to take me further down a path of destruction. Much to my own dismay the pain I was now feeling was a catalyst to return to a safe place, and I ended up moving back in with my Mom and Dad a few days later. Talk about spiritual warfare. There was clearly a battle between Heaven and Hell for this child of God. And I felt every single bit of it. Turmoil and darkness surrounded me, while God and His angles fought for me.

Internally I continued to struggle with my sexual identity, and my depression. In 2007, my senior year of High School, I began dating a boy and really thought that I had found the love and acceptance I had longed for so long. Alcohol also entered my life more regularly and became a facilitator in numbing pain. And when you begin mixing alcohol, instability, depression, and teenagers, you know you’re bound for trouble. One weekend, I was feeling particularly invincible and thought it was a good idea to have some friends over and we had a bottle of alcohol. Mind you, my parents are asleep downstairs, my two youngest sisters asleep upstairs where my friends and I were. The girl that I had dated briefly was there that night, and we fooled around a bit, I gave her a ring to profess my love. But I’m still dating that wonderful guy, and guess what else? I wasn’t invincible, my parents found out about the alcohol.

Oh, the turmoil I suffered in those next few days. Not only was I dealing with consequences from my parents, I also had to figure out the drama I had created with this girl and this boy. On top of my heavy school load, because I was an Honor Student you know, and participating in sports, and, and, and… I could not cope. I couldn’t deal with the consequences of my actions. And on January 3, 2007, it would seem that Hell had won the battle for my life. It was a Wednesday night. I finished swimming practice, went home, grabbed a brand new bottle of Tylenol PM, and 2 or 3 handfuls of Ibuprofen. I only tell you the specifics of what I swallowed so that you understand it is ONLY by the grace of God that I am alive right now.

I wrote my last words down as I swallowed pill after pill, handfuls at a time. One might think that with all the people I felt the need to write to that night I would have snapped out of it. It’s shocking how engulfed I was in the lies Satan had been hissing in my ears.

Now, obviously I didn’t die, but boy I remember thinking in the hospital how badly I wished it had worked. Because not only did I still have to deal with the choices I had made prior to my suicide attempt, but I now had this suicide attempt to deal with too. After a night in ICU, a week in the hospital, and another week in inpatient psych care I left the hospital, and decided somewhere along the way that I was going to be continue dating that boy. We continued to date through high school, and shortly after graduating we were engaged.

Now, because of the nature of the relationship with this boy, not only did I struggle with who my true love was, acceptance and worth, I would now struggle with associating love as sex. He left for boot camp some short weeks after our engagement. So when the sex stopped I was easily swayed to fall for someone else. While Mr. Navy was away, I became involved with a guy at work, Mr. Lifeguard. I ended up moving in with him, at his parent’s house, and didn’t write to Mr. Navy for almost 2 weeks.

Mr. Lifeguard and I had a dysfunctional relationship to say the least, and I was not any more responsible than I was in high school, as grown up as I felt. Living on my own with my boyfriend…in his parent’s house. Mr. Lifeguard and I were together for about a year and a half, and towards the end of the relationship I began having feelings for one of our mutual friends. We’ll call him Mr. Married.

Again, turmoil; I was living with someone but was carrying on an emotional affair with another man, but the fact that he was married didn’t bother me. Eventually I made one of the most adult decisions in those days, and ended what was going on with Mr. Married. Although, much to my dismay about a month later Mr. Lifeguard would tell me that he didn’t think we should be together. So I moved in with a friend from work.

Mr. Married came back into the picture very quickly, as did a few other guys. Some physical, some emotional, some I led on because I thought that the attention was lovely. To be blunt I was acting a whore; in one 24-hour period I had sexual relations with 3 different guys. But soon all the sex, all the cigarettes and all the alcohol couldn’t numb me enough. I found marijuana, oh the sweet relief I felt when I was high.

My low point finally came when I began to be more concerned about being high than just about everything else. Only by the grace of God, did I continue going to school and working. Because of my desire to be high all the time I chose to become homeless so I could be with my “friends”, my suppliers. There were four of us, and one was a young mama with a 2 year old daughter.

My pastor mentioned in a sermon some time ago that people can become so entangled with sin that they do not care for the sanctity of others. This was true for me. There was one night when the little baby was so fussy that I thought, “Marijuana works to calm us down, it should work for her too.” So we proceeded to blow smoke in her face, hoping she would become just “contact” high enough to sleep. The poor baby was actually just hungry and dehydrated. She ended up in urgent care the next day.

Not too long after this my Mom and Dad had got ahold of me and asked me to come to dinner. Offering a shower and use of the washer and dryer if needed, but the stipulation was that only I could come. I obliged, thinking only of what I could gain.

To my surprise they offered as the main course God’s grace along with a plate of spaghetti. Much to my parents surprise I broke down in a broken heap of tears and accepted their sweet platter of grace. I moved back in the next day. Mom helped me straighten out my financial mess, I continued to work and go to school. There were house rules of course: no drugs, no alcohol, you have to go to church on Sundays, and other basics. But I NEVER went to church with them; I always made sure to be working.

God had been working in my heart in ways that I didn’t realize, and He would continue to use me, and orchestrate events that only He could. At some point during the summer Mom called me and said they were going to a local burger joint and the church picnic. I asked if I could go simply because I wanted a burger and I didn’t want to pay for it. I was always thinking about me, what could I get from a situation. But here’s where God started getting my attention. When we got to the park we were getting out of the truck and before I could stop the words from leaping off my tongue I blurted, “Since I’m not working Sundays anymore,” because I had been fired from that job (blessing in disguise!), “I’ll go to church with you guys, because I know it’s important to you.” I regretted saying it as soon as it had come out of my mouth, but there was a strange peace in that choice too. I dreaded every Sunday. I would sit sourly in service journaling about how communion was cannibalism, and popping my knuckles during prayers, dressing as masculine as I could.

One Sunday though, as I was driving home, I began arguing with God about His existence. And I knew He was talking back to me, and I don’t know how to describe it, but if you’ve heard Him talk to you, you know what I mean. I told Him, “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe You’re real.” God responded ever so tenderly, “I know.”

On December 14th, 2009 I was taking a shower and out of nowhere, I hit my knees, “God, I can’t do this alone anymore. I just can’t do it.” The peace and light that washed over me was so freeing. In that very moment I began building my foundation of rock. I had owned my faith, and asked God to be a present help in my life. That was the moment I asked Him to be Lord over my life. I promptly went downstairs and told my parents. And while I continued to struggle for some time finding my new life, I was finally on the right path to finding the love, and acceptance and worth I so craved.

God has done amazing works in my life following that day. I quit smoking marijuana cold turkey, on more than one occasion I have quit smoking cigarettes cold turkey, God healed me in a way that I no longer identify as bi-sexual. I am married to a great man with a beautiful 4-year-old daughter. While my testimony continues in a very different light after that day, it wasn’t until more recently that I truly began seeking Jesus to be my love, my acceptance and my worth. I’m not going to pretend that God made it all rainbows and butterflies after I was humble before Him. It’s not easy, in fact Jesus Himself said that we will have it rough; trials and tribulations. I have good days and bad days. I still struggle with depression, and have added anxiety into the mix, the lies of Satan still often drown out God’s truth, I have contemplated suicide on more than one occasion in the past 8 years, even in my marriage I struggle with associating sex with love. But God is so gracious to continue shaping us, and isn’t it so much easier when we are willing participants.

I would really encourage you, if you haven’t accepted the grace that God offers, the salvation that comes with Jesus’ death and resurrection, to seriously consider it. It won’t be easy, but you’ll have peace in the chaos. You’ll have troubles, but the love that God offers is true and unconditional. There will be drama, but God’s truth, God’s Word, the Bible, defines your worth. And if my life hasn’t convinced you that God will accept you as you are, wherever that is, then may He bring you someone’s who will.

 

 

Knowledge is Power

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The fear of God is the beginning of knowledge.

When you think of knowledge what do you think of? IQ, tests, computers, awards. Do you think of a person? A doctor, an astrophysicist, a philanthropist. Do you think of someone specific, perhaps? Did you think of yourself?

No, I would agree on most days that I don’t think of myself, but I should. Knowledge, the way God intended, is not the collective ideas that people spread, the inventions that are made, or the things that people know of this world. It is not simply being smart, or intelligent, or being labeled a genius.

Knowledge, as God intended, is so much more. It’s knowing Him, it’s loving Him, it’s learning everything you can about Him in your short stay on Earth. And how better to know someone then to spend time with them?

Do you have a relationship with God? How do you spend time with Him?

~Study His Word

~Talk with Him

~Sing songs to Him and about Him

~Enjoy His creation

~Obey Him

I do not believe that one can have true knowledge without first knowing the One who created the ability to have knowledge. Many people today would have you believe that being submersed in the political or societal issues of the day, or having a higher education would bring you the most knowledge. I would strongly disagree. [Please hear me when I say that I am not bashing on college, I am not saying “Nay” to being versed in the issues of today. These are very important things, if this is God’s path for you.]

Oh, knowledge. Do you feel full of knowledge? I do. And if you asked me anything about politics, or sports, or women’s issues, or anything going on in this world, I would look at you with a blank stare and probably say, “ I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

Someone could easily argue that had I actually gone to four years of university study, or if I versed myself in the issues of the world I would understand more, be a better person, have critical thinking skills, etc. They could be right. But if a person doesn’t know anything about the One who created knowledge, how could they ever expect to have any.

Did you know that the first 30 chapters of Proverbs is a father imparting wisdom and knowledge to his son. And the last chapter is the child’s mother imparting her wisdom and knowledge. An entire book of the Bible dedicated to knowledge. It’s truly amazing.

At the end of your life, when you take your last breath, what good is that degree, all that studying you did, all the research, is it going to get you into Heaven? No ”But I used my knowledge for good. I helped people,” you might argue. To which I respond, “Thank you. But was it enough to get you into Heaven?” No. Because Jesus said, “I am the way, I am the truth, I am the light. No one gets to my Father except through me.” Being “good” is great. But it’s not enough.

In all your getting, get wisdom and knowledge. But remember that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. If you seek wisdom like you seek gold and silver, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.

God’s words are knowledge. Study them, know them, learn them.

Seek the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and it will be well with you for all your days.

Why I Enjoy Being Close Minded

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God’s call to His children is to live a separate life. A life of opposite. We are to be light in darkness, peace in chaos, joy during grief, love in turmoil, we are to turn the other cheek, forgive when we’ve been wronged, we are to love and serve our enemies (just as Jesus loved and served Judas the night He was betrayed), we are to be salt in this tasteless world. We are called to be holy and acceptable unto Him – weird, nuts, crazy, different, close minded as the world may call us.

Being close minded isn’t all that bad though. Being close minded, is in fact, a great thing as a follower of Christ! I would take it as a compliment any day. 

If I was to allow all the things of this world to seep into my mind I would be a wreck. In fact, I have done just this, and I’ve ended up in the hospital after overdoses, I’ve found myself homeless because I was more concerned about a high than a place to live, I’ve suffered consequences in my marriage because I wanted to drink rather than listen to my God’s convictions. NO, I will not be open minded, because my God calls me to live a life that is full of love, but opposite of what the world says is right. God calls me to protect my mind, to close it off to the things of this world.

If you are not a follower of Christ then you’re probably not going to fully understand this, and that’s ok. My prayer is that perhaps you might still glean some truth from this, or that God might plant a seed in your heart to grow a tree of Life for Him later. Maybe you know Jesus, you’ve asked Him into your life but you’re not seeking Him, or you’re withholding a part of your heart from Him: hear me when I say that there is nothing in this world more satisfying than giving your entire heart over to Him.

When we protect our minds, we are protecting our very life. Whatever it is that you ponder on, that you think about, that you allow to enter into your mind will settle in your heart. And from your heart flows the very springs of your life (Proverbs 4:23). If all I’m doing is stuffing my mind full of sin, of worldly, worthless things then what do you suppose is going to begin flowing out of me? Selfish, sinful behavior. I grew up in a home that taught me what you listen to (music, podcasts, radio, etc) and what you watch (tv shows, movies, news, etc) will eventually shape how you act. If you grew up in church it’s likely that you sang a song as a child with these lyrics: “Be careful little eyes what you see…Be careful little feet where you go…Be careful little hands what you do…Be careful little ears what you hear…” There is great wisdom in those words.

We should get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is prevalent, and we should humbly accept the word planted in us, which can save us. Do not simply listen to the word, and so deceive yourself. Do what it says. Don’t you know that friendship with the world is enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without any reason that He jealously longs for the Spirit He has caused to dwell in us? If anyone, then, knows the good they should be doing and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. Oh dear friends, I implore you to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul. (James 1:21-22; 4:4-5, 17; 1 Peter 2:11)

Jesus does not show partiality. Why should we? We are His ambassadors, His representatives. Every action, every word, every thought reflects our relationship with our Christ. I for one, would like to remain submissive to the One who created me. For His ways are high above my ways, and His thoughts greater than mine. My desire is to fulfill His calling – to be pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

Am I close minded? Yes. And for good reason.

I pray that those of you who follow after Christ would also consider and choose to be close minded. For those that deny God, I pray for your salvation, because I do believe that there is only one way to Heaven: through Jesus Christ the Son who said, “I am the Way, I am the Truth, and I am the Light. No one gets to my Father except through Me.”

May it all be for your glory, O Lord.

 

Wonderful Gluten Free Zucchini Bread

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What are you doing the day before vacation? Packing, laundry, cleaning, washing cars…the list goes on and on.
With a sensitive gut I have learned and choose to take my own food just about everywhere I go. Vacation to the in-laws is no exception.

This morning, as my husband slept soundly in bed until 12 pm, I was baking my brains out.

Honestly, I had a bit of apprehension because baking gluten free can be a challenge, even when you follow a recipe to the 'T'. And that list is also endless on what potentially went wrong: were the ingredients not room temperature enough, did I forget the binder, was my homemade flour blend ratios off? Oh the possibilities!

The apprehension quickly faded as I began planning. I knew I needed to make banana bread, those bananas were about to take a turn for the worse; I had acquired a large zucchini from a dear friend the night before, so that would go into a bread, and granola was initially on the agenda.

'How do I make them gluten free now? Which flours should I use?' I have a plethora in my pantry: sorghum, rice, quinoa, oat…

I decided to consult a recipe book from several years back, when my husband and I were first married. Gluten free and vegan recipes. Phew! That was an interesting diet for sure, but I'll save that for another blog.

Banana bread was fairly simple, I've made plenty o' those in my day. The zucchini recipe, though; I'd never made that. Actually, that's not true. I attempted it once during those GF vegan days, and it was a disaster. Never having the courage to try again, until today. Needless to say, I needed to know what a conventional recipe looked like. Thank you, Pinterest.
I ended up simply adapting the recipe. Switching out basics: recipe called for oil, I used butter, recipe called for applesauce, I juiced an apple and used the pulp (which is what I did with the zucchini too; yummy juice actually), recipe called for sugar, I used honey. Blah, blah, blah. You can see my recipe below.

Here is where the tides changed in my baking agenda. As I had said before, granola was on the list, but I just wasn't feeling it. So I recruited ANA's 4 year old opinion. Granola or bread? "More bread!"
The next bread was the orange, cranberry, nutmeg bread. I squealed when I saw it the oven after about 40 minutes. No one would have ever guessed it was gluten free. SERIOUSLY! I kept playing in my mind what Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood from The Great British Baking Show would be saying. Mary would compliment, "I can smell the orange wafting up as Paul cuts the bread. It smells wonderful!" Paul would comment, "You can see the cranberries are evenly distributed throughout…*taste*…That's amazing! Well done! I would have never thought it was gluten free!" Then he would extend his hand for a hand shake!

Sigh…

Finally, the blueberry bread. Thank you, again, Pinterest. The first recipe I came across was chalk full of berries, 2 cups worth! Oddly enough, this is the only blueberry bread/muffin recipe I have ever come across that said frozen blueberries were just as acceptable as fresh berries. Yessss!

Another success! It felt SO good to knock out 4 amazing gluten free breads. And 3 of them with no sugar! I did end up using coconut sugar in the blueberry bread to experiment with the creaming method. Which worked well.

(I'm a little sad to say I did not take any photos to prove how delicious these breads looked. But alas! this is after all, the real world, not the movies).

GLUTEN FREE ZUCCHINI BREAD

Prep time: 20 minutes
Bake time: 40-60 minutes, depending on your oven, loaf size(s), and amount of zucchini
Yield: 1 or 2 loaves

INGREDIENTS

  • Butter for preparing baking pan
  • 2 1/2 cups of rice flour (I have a mix of brown and white rice flour)*
  • 1/2 cup quinoa flour*
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 4 tsp ground cinnamon
  • 2-4 cups zucchini, grated or juiced (I used the pulp from juiced zucchini)
  • 3 eggs
  • 1/2 cups applesauce, or pulp from one juiced apple
  • 1/2 cup butter, unsalted*
  • 4 tbls honey
  • 4 tsp vanilla
  • 1 cup nuts, walnuts or pecans, optional

INSTRUCTIONS

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Generously butter baking pan. I used a 9" x 5" inch loaf pan. You could do 2 smaller loaves as well.
  2. Juice or grate zucchini, and apple if juicing. Save the juice for later. I added sparkling water to it for extra umph.
  3. "Cream" butter and honey together. Add eggs one at a time until fully incorporated. Add applesauce or apple pulp and vanilla, mix. *You can omit the salt and instead use salted butter.
  4. Here's where you can do the quick method, like I do, or the not as quick way. Either add remaining dry ingredients one at a time, incorporating as you go. Or mix all dry ingredients together in a separate bowl then slowly add to wet mixture. I used a stand mixer and began adding baking soda and powder, salt, cinnamon and flours in. *If you would like to make this bread grain free, try using almond flour in place of rice and coconut flour in place of quinoa.
  5. Once batter is well mixed, use a spatula to gently fold in zucchini, and nuts if using.
  6. Pour batter into pan(s).
  7. Bake on 350 degrees F for 40-60 minutes. Until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Or until you see it pulling away from the sides of the pan. I believe this first batch baked about 50 minutes.
  8. Allow to cool for 5-10 minutes in the pan, then remove to a wire rack to finish cooling down.
  9. Enjoy!

You can add cream cheese, butter or honey butter, or enjoy with no topping at all. My loaf rose nicely, and it came out very moist, earthy and delicious.

Stay tuned for the other bread recipes I mentioned.

An Ode to Single Mother’s

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What can I say except that I do not understand. What can I do except encourage and support you with my words, and for those close to me, with my actions. If there are any single daddy’s out there reading this, I’m sure this applies to you in some or all degrees also.

Not too long ago I had a glimpse, albeit very brief, and nothing truly comparable, into what it’s like to be a single mother. My husband (M), daughter (A) and I live with my husband’s grandmother (GG), to care for her. She’s always at home. But one week in the not so distant past she went to visit her daughter (my mother-in-law). Shocking, I know. When you’re 86 and have no desire to do anything outside your home, this is a big deal. That same week my husband had to work out of town. This sort of freedom I have never known. My daughter is 4 1/2 at this point, and I have NEVER had to do life alone with her.

All you mama’s out there who do this all the time are probably not understanding or grasping this concept at all. Which is fine, I don’t blame you. But when there is an extra set of hands, as little as they might do, they do a lot. GG is often cooking dinner and doing the dishes. She helps by playing with A. So there are some things that I often don’t even have to think about. They are of no concern for me.

So that week I mentioned, I was all alone with A. Just Mama and A. It. Was. WONDERFUL! But I began to wonder about all the women who do this ALL of the time, sometimes with no support of the child(ren)’s father. I was flooded with so many emotions. My heart ached for you! My heart rejoiced for you! So much work to do, so little time, and with little to no help. Praise be to God our Father if you have beautiful friends and family who help!

2 Thessalonians 3:13 (Andrea’s Translation) “But as for you, sweet Sister, do not grow weary of doing good.”

Galatians 6:9 (NASB) Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.

You, sweet Sister, single mama, are doing greatness. You are providing for your child(ren). So do not loose heart, do not become discouraged. Do not let the enemy come in to kill your joy, steal your heart, or destroy your drive. With Christ as your groom, you can do all things.

With all the lovingkindness,
Andrea A.

Dear Father in heaven, I pray that You would encourage all the single parents out there. Give them hope, strength, courage and joy in the midst of every situation. May they lean into You for all things, and count it a blessing when someone steps up to help them. If they do not have support from friends and family I pray mightily that You would intervene and allow a helping, kind hand to come into their lives. May it be.

SICK: My heart and mind

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     Have you ever had one of those days where you wanted to throw in the towel? Those, ‘I give up’ or ‘What else could go wrong’ or my personal least favorite of all, ‘God, could you just take me now. What good I am down here?’
     I’m sure you’ve had them. I certainly have had more than I can count. And to be quite honest, more than I care to remember. And even more honestly, more than those elusive good days.
     Welcome to my life…
     I’ve been living with depression for longer than I haven’t. A life filled with depression, and oppressive, negative thoughts, anxiety, and self shaming thoughts can be so exhausting. If you haven’t experienced this first hand then I’ll liken it to this: have you ever been around someone, for any length of time, that is constantly complaining or being negative? Complaining about their husband (or for you gentlemen reading, their wife), the weather, how their kid did this, or the dog did that, and ‘I can’t believe what so-and-so said’, and that horrible noise the fridge makes when it turns on. You might be laughing, but you know the people I’m talking about. Well, that’s what it’s like in my head, and all the complaining and negativity is focused on self.
     I heard a Focus on the Family podcast some time back, where a woman mentioned this type of thinking is a form of broken narcism. Definitely a post for another time, but I do remember thinking, “Ouch!” as I  cringed at the conviction and nodded my head in full agreement.
     So when I say it’s exhausting, I mean It. Is. Exhausting.
     But there’s hope!
     There is a Hope so strong that the very gates of Hell tremble when The Name is mentioned. A hope that can only be found in our Righteous Redeemer.
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“How blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, Whose hope is in the LORD his God,” Psalms‬ ‭146:5 NASB
     Do you suffer from the same thinkings that I do? Do you feel beat down, weary, discouraged, broken? Do you have a Bible app? Do a search of the word hope in your Bible app, and feel yourself being refreshed and renewed. Rising on wings like eagles.
     God’s desire is not for you to be stuck in this vicious, nasty, sinful cycle of negative thoughts. God’s desire is that you would see yourself the way He sees you. A beloved child of God, an heir to the throne, one who is holy, chosen, and called for a purpose. Do not put off God’s desires for your life.
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“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭13:12‬ ‭NASB‬‬
     I can’t tell you how many times I have made my own heart sick; how many times I have grieved my Heavenly Father simply because of what I thought about myself.
     This post started because of the yuckiness I felt inside. I thought surely someone could sympathize with my distress. Little did I know that the Almighty God would teach me and allow me to share this lesson with you.
     Don’t you see? By allowing ourselves to think critically, and negatively about this beautiful body, mind and spirit that God graciously gave, we are deferring His desire, and His hope for sin. His hope is deferred for sin. I am deferring the Creator’s hope and desires for sin.
     Oh God, change my thought pattern. Change the thoughts of the dearly loved child who is reading this. May Your hope and desires be on our minds. Lord, should someone need an encouraging word, I pray You would meet them where they are. You are faithful and righteous to redeem. Redeem our minds. Renew our minds. In Your Holy Name I pray. May it be!

 

Consistency vs. Perfection

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Perfection. A nasty word. And oh, how I’ve fallen prey to the lie of perfection.

One of my dearest friends will say that ‘perfect’ is a bad word; if someone in the house responds to the question, “How was your day?” with the word ‘perfect’, everyone knows it was an awful day.

As a woman, a wife, and a mother, society demands perfection from me. I need to have this certain body type in order to be beautiful, I need to be gracious and submissive, and keep a perfectly clean house all the time in order to be a Biblical wife (Proverbs 31 anyone?), and I need to do all the crafts, read all the books, teach all the things, and not mess my child up too much in order to be the perfect mom.

There are a couple of HUGE problems with this type of thinking:

  1. Society does not rule me, God does. He tells me through His word who I am, not society. I am a daughter of the King (Revelation 19:16, Romans 8:16-17). I am enough just the way He made me (Genesis 1:31a). I am a good and helpful mate for my husband, because God made me for him (Proverbs 18:22, Proverbs 19:14, James 1:17). I am the best mother to my daughter, because God hand picked me to bring her up in the way she should go.
  2. No one is perfect except for Jesus. No, not you, and not me. So why do we as women constantly put this pressure on ourselves to be “perfect”? This idea of being perfect at anything is absurd. What feelings well up inside you when you hear the word ‘perfection’? I used to cringe, feel guilt, shame, and disappointment. Why, though? I shouldn’t have. I should have been thinking of the wonderful Savior who is perfect. Satan would have you and me believe we should be perfect in all our roles all of the time, because then he has a foothold to defeat us, and eventually we can become ineffective for God’s kingdom if we allow that defeat to overtake us. Trust me, I have lived the past several years held captive by this idea of perfection.

So then, Sister’s, what do we do about this lie? We demolish it. 1 Corinthians 10:5 says we must “destroy speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” The only way to destroy, demolish, and tear down a lie is with the truth. God’s word is truth; be in the word. Talk with God. Confess that you have sinned against Him by trying to be perfect; it’s not your job, it’s His job! Share your heart with your Friend. Let Him come in and help you tear down the lies that plaster your heart and mind.

The next step in demolishing the lie of perfection is to be consistent. You are going to have to consistently, and sometimes constantly, attack and defend against this lie. So put on your Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18), pray all of the time (1 Thessalonians 5:17, James 5:13, 16), write scripture on your heart, post it in your house (Deuteronomy 11:18, 20, Proverbs 7:1-3). Use these tactics to battle the nag of perfection. Consistency is not perfection. You’re going to mess up, you’re going to cave to the lie, you’re going to forget to pray or read your scripture. And some days you’re going to all the things but you’re just not going to “feel it.” Be encouraged in doing good for in due time you will reap good. Sister, God does not want your perfection (because you don’t have any), He wants your heart. Give it all you’ve got my Sister and feel the warm, joyous reward He has waiting for you. Freedom! Freedom from the captive lies of perfection.

I do not have it all figured out, but I have begun a journey of taking my thoughts captive before the Lord, laying them down, handing them over, and replacing them with God’s truth. It has been a process! Long. Arduous. Painful. With many slides, and self-made detours. But it has also been so freeing, so wonderful, and so empowering as God has been faithful to complete the good work He placed on my heart to begin (Philippians 1:6). And when I think about how far this new found freedom is going to reach I am so humbled. I’m not even thinking about the few women who might read this blog post, I’m thinking about the affect I am having on my daughter, and how that could affect her children and many generations to come. Oh, thank You, Lord!

Let your soul rest in the Lord, because you know that He is good. And give it a rest: let God be perfect, just learn to be who He made you to be.

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that You would mightily use the women reading this to teach herself and her children, her grandchildren, her spiritual children that You alone are perfect. Lord, if anyone today is held by the captive lies of perfection I ask that You would begin to loosen those chains, that you break them free. Send an earthquake like You did for Paul and Silas’ physical chains to break the chains my Sister has. Replace it with Your truth, and meet her needs when she is feeling weary. In the Name above all names I ask these things; may it be so!

Straight from the Word of God: What Women Really Need

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When you examine your life and you really think about that one thing you want, that one thing you need, what would it be? Is it that job, or that house? Is it to have a marriage like them? Would it be to have kids that acted like her kids? Let me tell you, all of these have crossed my mind, and settled into my heart at one time or another. But really at the core of all these things there is one thing in common: a lack of worth, acceptance and a lack of true love. As women, isn’t that what we want, what we need? In our deepest longings, in our heart of hearts we are screaming, begging for someone to tell us, “You matter to me. You are so worthy of all my love, and freely I give to you, unconditionally, all that I am. I love you!”

The apostle Paul nails it on the head in his letters to the Ephesians (5:25), and Colossians (3:19). He knows: women need love. We as women, as young girls, are so impressionable. And right now I want to encourage you to seek God as your one true love. It’s not going to be easy, because there are a lot of chains you’ll have to break free from. But if you can accomplish one thing in life, I pray it’s finding Jesus as your source of love, worth and acceptance. Because from that freedom, and from that life you will be able to run the race in such a way that you may obtain the prize (Romans 9:24).

In the book of John, Jesus says this, “For the thief has come to kill, and steal, and destroy” and how does he do this? With society. With the ideas that this is how you’re supposed to look, that you have to be super-mom, or super-wife all on your own, that you need to be happy, and that all the things will make you happy. But then Jesus says, “I have come that they,” (they being those who have chosen Jesus to be their Savior, those who have said, ‘I am sorry Jesus for my sins. I know YOU died on the cross to save me. Please come into my life and change me!’) “may have life.” Note that He doesn’t say happiness, but LIFE, “and have it to the full.” I truly believe that there should be an exclamation point after this statement, I think John might have gotten that wrong. Jesus gives a full life!


In an attempt to find that fullness, to find that worth, to find that love we as women so desperately crave we tend to search in all the wrong places. That most common way (I speak from experience) is men. It’s often easy to find that appreciation and worth from your boyfriend or husband. But what happens when they behave in a way that is unkind, or hurtful in some way to you, whether intentional or not? You no longer feel loved. And, you know, as well as I do, that they are not perfect. [But let’s be honest, we do the same thing to them].

Where else have you sought for love in all the wrong places? Drugs, alcohol, disordered eating, disordered health conscious choices, clothes, makeup, worldly wisdom and knowledge. Been there, done that. NONE OF IT FILLS THAT HOLY HOLE! Only God can give you the love you truly need! While the Beatles may have gotten the lyrics right when they sang, “All you need is love…” they certainly had no idea that the love they were singing about was God’s perfect love.

I’m not saying that I have this all figured out, I still struggle with finding my love in my husband; I struggle with finding my worth in my daughter; I struggle with finding my acceptance in my friends. But all these people will let you down. Only God will love you wholly, unconditionally, and in all the ways you can’t even imagine.